The difficulty of losing a loved one

Losing a loved one is like having the rug swept out from under. I want to know because I lost four family members in a period of seven years. The tragedy does not go away. You just have to learn to cope with it and keep moving.

The first to go was my only son who was two years old at the time. I left him with his baby sitter and came home to discover that she had drowned in a nearby lake. I wrote the whole story about it in http://www.coping-with-grief.com along with a sample chapter. You never really get over the loss of a loved one. You just have to try very hard to go on with your life.

The loss has been my second family stepfather who, believe it or not, drowned in the lake the same eleven months after the death of my son. His body was never found and my mother never had closure with the ideal all because there was no body to bury. In fact, she looked at the entire incident unfold before you and you feel powerless to save him. I'm sure she has a lot of guilt today.

Two years later, my maternal grandmother suddenly became ill and was rushed to hospital where he died two days later. The cause of his death was cancer, which was a family secret that I was unaware until his death. E 'was heartbreaking for me because I had not seen in five years and was not able to say goodbye. E 'was also difficult for my mother who was still mourning for her husband.

Four years after the tragedy of losing my only sister and my mother's daughter from a car accident took a toll on us all. We were all in shock. It seemed unreasonable for a family to be able to endure so much. My mother had to be put on tranquilizers because it was a difficult time to deal with it. It 'been too much for her to bear. I had to take over the funeral and take care of my sister, three children who were left behind.

There is no way I could do everything I id not in a denial phase of grief. I went through the motions, but I do not believe any of it. I kept my feelings under control, not wanting to upset my mother more. I also went through the state's fault that I wish I were the one who died instead of my sister. I felt guilty for being the one who was still alive. I was not able to deal with my feelings just because I thought more about how to comfort my mother. I had the experience of losing a child so I knew he felt empty, but the pain of losing my sister gave the pain I felt for my son and I could not find the right words to say to encourage her.

How do you tell your mother you're sorry you lost your child is your sister, but you wished it were you instead? It seemed so selfish for me to think that way, but when I'm in mourning, self-pity is one of the emotions that surface and the shock will create irrational thoughts especially when you have gone through so much as I had.

How do I relate my story to you about what happened to me in a period of seven years, looks amazing and really never imagined that I would still sane, but I am. This means that you can get through your pain and your loss. Time is a good healer, but the family is the greatest support you can ever have.

My family and I stayed close throughout the test. We realized that our experience allows us to reach out to others and make a difference in the lives of others who may be still grieving or who have just lost a loved one. You should never lose hope. Continuing to live and be free of your pain, but remember to stay close to your family in the process.

What happens when you die?

The only question that everyone needs an answer should be: What happens when I die?

You know what happens when you die?

All of a sudden it seems clear to us that one day die. When this happens, suddenly. We are young and there is the question right. We could blurt out at one of our parents. We could think about in our conscious mind. Yes, even as a child, we are able to do this.

We remember exactly the first time we pondered what happens when you die. Maybe it was when we saw a dead bird or cat or some other animal. Maybe it was when someone spoke of a relative or friend who had died. Perhaps it would be when someone you knew died.

As we age that met more often death. On every occasion we meet death, the question of what happens when we die always arise in our minds. Somewhere along the line the issue of death must be solved, if we want true satisfaction in our lives.

Various views on the death we have animals that are born only to die. This is part of the biological evolutionary process and there are only a part of this biological life aimlessly, without any purpose of existence at all.

The development should not necessarily be limited to biological beings. There are opinions that are in an evolutionary journey of becoming more aware and morally perfect by any trans-migration of our soul to be less than superior beings. In some philosophies, this migration is known as reincarnation soul and the souls can be reincarnated in more or less than mortals.

Hinduism has a caste system in which trans-migration of souls depend largely on how you live your life on this earth. If a soul commit crimes or sins against other people, then a demotion will result in the next reincarnation. Instead, what is considered a good life, in which acts of kindness and generosity are frequent, the soul can be expected to return to a higher form. Hinduism, and even in its offshoot, Buddhism, this practice continues until every soul becomes one with the universe or all-soul.

When you think, only to be born to die is a useless life, and also born to be reincarnated many times in various forms as our souls trans-migrate the animal and human world to become unavailable or unknown individual is also a pointless exercise for existence.

Other views on the death we have to go to heaven or hell or perish. These rely on a sense of justice and punishment for actions. Unlike vision reincarnation, where people can come back as insects, because of wrongful deeds and acts like a human being until the next reincarnation, is being cast into hell for a period much longer to be reincarnated. More often, however, Hell is conceived as a place where there is endless torment forever, no escape. This in itself also appears to be aimless existence.

Death is something we all face. The truth about what happens after death is an issue that we need to find answers to our purpose to give life here on earth.

Simply being born to die sucks. Simply being born to go through a series of reincarnations is also an excuse useless existence. So while we can process a number of theories about what happens at death, if we are not able to find the truth about why they are born in the first place, then whatever we imagine happens at death is an exercise in futility .

Background of cremation. Cremation process and cremation urns Types.

Cremation (burning the body) is one of the most ancient custom of burying. It was known in Neolith. In 1000 BC the ancient Greeks took over this custom from unknown Pople, who lived not far from the border north of Greece. Greek soldiers who died during the battles in enemy territory, were buried there. cremation urns with their ashes were transferred to Greece and then buried. This custom was reserved only for Greek heroes and high-ranking military.

From Greece the custom of cremation has been adapted to Western Europe.

In the early medieval cremation began to be unpopular with the Christian population, but during the reign of Queen Victoria cremation was recommended for reasons of health and hygiene.

In 1963 the Pope lifted the ban on cremation in 1966 and all Catholic priests were allowed to officiate at cremation ceremonies.

Today, many religious practices such as Orthodox, Islam, Parsees, Zoroastrianism, Parsees and greek Orthodox Christianity forbid the practice of cremation. But among Calvinists, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, Jews, liberals, Catholics, Presbyterians, Methodists, Mormons and cremation was the usual method of disposal of the dead

cremation process takes 60-90 minutes. Cremation time depends on the weight of the person cremated. The temperature of cremation is between 750-1200 degrees centigrade. After incineration is completed, the bone fragments are placed in a pulverizer (another name is cremulator) to transform them into what are known as cremains which look like grains of sand. Cremains and the ashes are poured into a cremation urn.

There are many cremation urn makers today. This is a response to the growing number of people who wish to cremate their dead family. Cremation urns come in all sizes, shapes and sizes. It is more difficult today to choose the right cremation urn.

When choosing a cremation urn, the type of service that will also be held and final placement of your dead, play an important factor for the type of cremation urn you select. Many cemeteries around the world have options ranging from earth burial niches in mausoleums or columbariums.

Very important is to choose the right size cremation urn. cremation urns adults have on average 3.5 to 5 L capacity.

There are hundreds of cremation urns to choose from and materials vary including ceramic, cast brass (bronze), wood, metal, terracotta and even material bio-degradable.

The most popular are:

1. Ceramic cremation urns

Ceramic cremation urns are most suitable for burials and niches in the ground columbariums and mausoleums. Shapes, colors or patterns of ceramic cremation urns are usually taken from nature.

Many people, just like the idea of cremation urns, ceramic because the material is beautiful, rich and surprisingly fragile. This symbolizes the fact that human life is really fragile, but the memories and life experiences that have been spent with their friends and loved still lives with this beautiful art form.

Let's take a closer look at the typical production process of ceramic cremation urns.

First, special selected ingredients are mixed to receive the porcelain.

Then, cremation urns shapes are created from ceramic mass. This step is very important because all details must be prepared with great precision.

Another part of the process of manufacturing involves enamelling.

ceramic urns are covered with enamel of different colors so appealing, colorful collection of cremation urns can be received.

In some models of heart cremation urns, ceramic, flame, cross or other symbols could be attached.

During the process of glass cremation urns, enamel is put symbols on pottery.

After that enamelled symbol is fully covered with real platinum, which is also known as platinum paint ceramics.

Platinum layer is very thin but very durable. It 's all burned, because platinum is the symbol of ceramics.

2.Cast brass (bronze) cremation urns

These cremation urns are expressed primarily by traditional methods from original artwork using the "lost wax" method that is well known amongst more experienced craftsmen.

Most craftsmen using "wax" method lost to create original designs and unique cremation urns. Most models are exquisitely hand finished with many time-consuming processes to manufacture a magnificent appearance. Whnat is hand-applied patina finishes create natural variations in texture and color that makes all cast brass cremation urns a unique pieces of art.

3. Wood Cremation Urns

Wood cremation urns are a good choice for all land burials.They decompose within 10-15 years after being placed in the ground.

Wooden cremation urns are made with various types of solid wood. The most popular are: oak, beech, ash, poplar, birch

In order to receive prize appearaance cremation urn made of wood, each piece must be properly polished (honed by hand) and then painted perfectly.

Skilled craftsmen are able to create unusual, unique shapes and beautiful, original sculptures. In this way each wooden cremation urn is unique.

4. Terracotta cremation urns

Terracotta cremation urns are made exclusively by skilled craftsmen.

The most striking and unusual models are 100% handmade, made without electrical machines and also environmentally friendly when it comes to the manufacturing method.

All because during the process of making pottery cremation urns only clay and water are used so if terracotta urns will be buried in land that will not harm the environment at all.

5. Metal cremation urns

Metal cremation urns are used for ground burials and niches in mausoleums or columbariums. These polls are mainly made from copper or stainless steel.

What's more metal is also one of the most durable materials, making it a popular choice for those looking to commemorate a loved one. Metal can also be molded, decorated, engraved cremation urn to make a very attractive. The size and shape of metal cremation urns can be different and can weigh between 2 and 20 kg.

Many companies that sell metal cremation urns offer personalization of cremation urn adding a single plate or applique.

Preparation for death

Death is a subject many people try to avoid thinking and talking! I know it's awkward, emotionally charged and is not the easiest to contemplate. But the fact is, no matter how you try to avoid that - with time it is! No one escapes!

I am a psychologist and 15 years was a loss and grief counselor and educator ... so I'm well aware of how death is not the voice of the most popular conversation!

But the thing is ... when faced with the imminent (or sudden) death of someone you love is most likely experiencing a multitude of thoughts and emotions. And then you may have to make decisions on things like the funeral, things that are emotionally charged ... and can become an emotional nightmare but it was discussed.

Now, I'm not saying that talking about death, making your wishes and want to know, discover what you want your loved ones as well, take away the pain of mourning ... but can do much to help people deal with what is already a difficult time.

And remember that talking about death, making some decisions now, doing a few things now, your death will not happen any faster!

A couple of things things you can do now:

1) You have a will? Too often people do not make a will ... is something that does not go around asking, have the conviction that if they write a will are also writing Their death sentence (I've had that said to me several times), or argue that the point of writing a will not I have nothing to leave. A will is important. It is easy to do - should not be complicated. Forms are available so you can also do it yourself.

2) Once you have made your will - put it in a safe place and let people know where it is. I've seen a number of families who can not begin to approach things (these practices after death) they do not know where the will is and nothing can go forward until the will is read.

3) Upgrade your desire especially when circumstances change, for example, your child birth, divorce, change of asset wealth, death in the family.

4) Do you know what funeral you want to use? That is something that we can make a decision now without any commitment (eg outlaying money). I know many people say they do not care and that may be decided by families when the time comes, but it is much easier for Those left if they can be guided by what you want.

5) Do you know if you want to be buried or cremated? This can be a difficult decision for families to do particularly if there are different opinions within the family. If they can be guided by your desires can make the decision easier.

6) If you intend to be cremated ... know where you would like your ashes to be put? In reality, your physical body does not know anything about it (note I said the physical body), but if you have a favorite place may be useful to know the family.

At this point ... be careful to say things like you want to be put under the orange tree in the backyard. If ashes are placed in a home can be difficult for families to get away from home for example, if the house must be sold at some point.

7) Have you thought of this scenario ... if you die far from home, for example, overseas, interstate, you want your body back home for the funeral? " This can place a huge burden, both financial and emotional, to family members. Let people know if it's good for them not to bring the body back, but maybe your ashes.

8) Have you ever considered organ donation? If you suddenly died in an accident for example, your family may be asked to consider your donation organs. Now that a decision can be huge for the family to do especially if they had no idea how you feel about that! Organ donation is a major problem in Australia because there are not nearly enough organ donors. Many people have told me over the years said they would donate their organs, but did not tell anyone or made official!

These are just some of the practical things you can begin to think and do. It is not morbid to start planning your death ... Death is a reality. And once you did this, and let your thoughts and desires known to people, she must think again. And it is easier, much easier for the families in the long run. I know because I recently went through this with my father.

How to survive the death of a loved one

From reading and work I did with Hospice after experiencing the death of my sister (Cindy James), I learned that people can cry more losses in the same way that mourn death.

Early in the process of mourning, the existence of the lost object or person is extended in the mind of mourning until the leak can be gradually accepted.

There is shock, numbness, disbelief, denial and, finally, that the acceptance of a death or loss occurs.

When the numbness fades, intense emotional pain and emptiness you feel and gut-wrenching can be scary, but it is natural, common and healthy, and gradually decreases, although usually reappears as an anniversary reaction.

While in this stage of the process of mourning looking for your beloved, her scream, cry, and eventually realize it is still with you in your heart and your memories of her.
You become obsessed or consumed with thoughts and memories and feel irritable and "not yourself" sometimes can work.

Having trouble with your appetite, sleep, your energy level, and you feel restless, often losing interest in activities once found enjoyable.

You also have difficulties in concentration, his mind fantasizing, or you experience confusion and forgetfulness, and struggle with feelings of guilt, and may also want to be dead.

You can become depressed and, in fact, can expose many of the same symptoms that patients suffering from primary affective disorders (depressive symptoms). And if you have inadequate social support or fear or resistance to mourning, you can enter the kingdom of complicated or unresolved grief with its various psychiatric syndromes and psychosomatic syndromes, such as anxiety attacks.

Adjusting to life without Cindy took time. I found new ways to focus my energy-by journaling (and possibly compile my book, Who killed my sister, my friend), walking in nature and more, and later to be joined as a volunteer hospice When I was ready . And I restored my social network, possibly fostering friendships with casual acquaintances who helped me in my despair and understand what it means to experience loss. Through it all I found there was no timetable for my grief. With gentle urging, subtle guidance, and unfailing support of a consultant, I acknowledged my heartache talking about what happened (sometimes several times). I expressed my deepest feelings for my sister, Marlene, to the counselor, and their few friends. And remember Cindy, I cried.

And when I got stuck I answered many questions, like:

"What you wish you could've said Cindy?"

"What do you miss most?"

"Where were you and what were you doing when you heard the news?" "What was that?"

"What kind of person was he?"

"What is the hardest thing for you?"

Eventually the bitter sorrow of loss into a sweet sadness or nostalgia and I was able to love again and reach the other, touching their lives and letting them know they are not just a loss.

Resolve the estate of a deceased loved

Time after the death of a parent, spouse or other family member may be filled with intense emotions of grief. With the effort of planning a funeral and memorial service, it can be easy to lose track of what packing up personal affairs and resolve a deceased loved one's estate.

This article describes some tips to help overcome this difficult time and ensure that the surviving family are prepared to handle any future problems and legal affairs, quickly and efficiently.

Discover all the requests from last:

If you're lucky, your loved one has left a burial requirements detailed, legally certified will outlining and distribution of goods. Check with the deceased lawyer if you are not sure if the will exists. If it does not, talk with family members to see whether any last wishes were mentioned.

Set a financial plan:

Even the most generous insurance and real estate transactions is unlikely to last forever, so find a financial planner to establish a long-term budget and discuss restructuring Any investments to meet your financial goals.

Get several copies of the death certificate:

You should get a copy of death certificate for documentation purposes. There are several instances in the coming days and weeks that have a copy of death certificate will be required. Make sure you have more than one copy of the death, many institutions require documents for the settlement of an estate and you will find maintaining additional copies will help speed up paperwork.

Below are four examples to provide a death certificate is required:

1. Transporting the body:

In most states, the funeral director will need a copy of the death certificate to legally transport the body to the funeral home and will file the death certificate with the courthouse for legal proof of death. The funeral director will also need a copy of the death to be applied with the department of health of a transit permit for burial.

2. Claiming a life insurance policy:

If your loved one had life insurance, the life insurance company requires an official certificate of death certificate as proof of death, when a primary or secondary beneficiary of a request. Overall, the secondary beneficiary is only allowed to make a complaint if the person named as the main beneficiary is dead. In any case, the copies are considered unacceptable.

If death has not been found to be from natural causes (such as an accident or a homicide), there will also need a copy of the investigative report to be eligible for additional accidental death benefits. Check the fine print of the policy to see if such coverage was provided.

3. Closing bank accounts:

Any existing control and savings accounts remain open and any applicable taxes will continue to be charged as long as there is money in them, unless you formally close the bank accounts. You will need to bring a certified death and fill out a Death Notification Form, provided by the bank to officially close the account and withdraw or transfer Any remaining funds.

If the account was a joint account with your name on it, the news of death is more a formality to make aware that bank deposits will no longer come under the name of the dead beyond Any insurance settlements.

4. Transferring pension benefits:

If it is listed as beneficiary of a 401 (k) retirement account or individual retirement plan business, provide a certified death certificate for the launch advantages over a retirement account in your name. If you decide to withdraw the money and put it in a savings or checking account, be aware that you may face a significant tax penalty.

The days and weeks following the death of a loved one can be very stressful. Resolution of an estate requires the submission of documents for each institution where an account is held by the deceased. You will also need to provide documents to apply for a death-related service or benefit. Part of the paperwork necessary to provide documentation of death. Death record policies vary, so be ready to provide an official copy certified death certificate available by mail or in person by the state or county agency acts of civil status in which the death occurred. Government certified copies of a death certificate can also be obtained as a matter of urgency through authorized providers of online services such as VitalChek.com

Since most copies are generally required, you must determine the number of certificates you need before you place your order and avoid having to duplicate your order or orders to pay separate fees.

A dream to die

My husband had cancer ten months when I had the dream. I took care of his needs for almost eleven months, and although some days there seemed to progress, in hindsight I was really a steady progression on a downhill curve.

One night I had a dream I was upstairs in our two-story house and looked out the window, my youngest son, who faces a large field behind. I could see a big machine coming inexorably closer to the house. He made a terrible racket, almost like a sound beating. With fear, I knew he was about to enter the house through the back corner of the kitchen and living room where my husband Sat I tried to call and warn everyone, but I could not speak. I ran downstairs, feeling him get closer and closer.

When I got down in the living room, my husband's chair, where he always sat in the corner, it was completely gone. The car had come through the back of the house, as I had feared and swept him and his chair away. He went around the front of the house and through the side yard.

I heard my youngest son to speak out the side to a friend of my husband, and the conversation was normal, as if nothing had happened. I wanted to scream, but it was useless. When I awoke, I knew with certainty that my husband was dying.

I never spoke of that dream. I could not talk to him about it. I was afraid to admit I knew what it meant. I was doing my best to keep my husband alive, but in my dream state, I knew he was dying.

That day was the first time I recognized the truth of his imminent death. That afternoon, our regular hospice nurse arrived, my husband and asked quietly, without fanfare, how long he thought he had. I just looked at him without saying a word. He said that based on its experience, probably two or three weeks. I went into a state insensitive. I did not expect to face their own death and mortality in this way. Yet, it was natural he would have known the end was near. I was denying myself.

When the nurse left, walked out with her. I told the dream I had. He put his arms around me in my distress. I faced the truth that he was dying.

That week, my husband refused to let me enter any protein rich formula I had prepared for him in enteral pump, his only source of nourishment. I tried to argue with him, but he was quietly adamant. I still see the expression on his face. He simply said: "Not anymore." Exactly. This was his way of telling me this is the end. Two weeks later he died. Has not been discussed, we did not 'tell the boys no longer wanted to receive the support short his stomach could take. It 'just been done. We should have discussed it with children? I do not know. We talked with them about everything else. Above all, his father always said what he loved them.

The last week is a mixed collection of confused memory. My husband has not slept well since and dozing off throughout the day. He developed a bed sore that we were trying to cope, but would be incredibly painful. His focus turned inward. There was little verbal communication, and I was at his side most of the time. At night, would wake up at two or three o'clock in the morning, and had little water cups at a time. It 'was amazing, considering he had not been able to eat or drink in three months or more. It became incredibly weak and I could not help him to raise on the table, even as light as it had become. My heart was crying inside, but there was nothing I could do but love the man who had married twenty years before. I was exhausted, and I knew he could not take anymore. I wanted him to go to bed and asked God to take him. His passing was relatively quiet, but I always wondered if it would be easier if we talked more than him died.

Elaine Williams copyright 2008