"My friend of 15 years, has just lost her husband in a terrible accident. I want to support in every possible way, but I'm not sure how to help."
"My favorite aunt has just died. My granddaughter is devastated by the loss. Although we were very close in recent years, are unable to help her overcome her loss."
A person suffering is often a dilemma to those around him / her. On the one hand, there is fear lurking to offer words of sympathy trivial, other friends and relatives can not step away from the person suffering as they are forced by their immense sense of love, loyalty and duty . Not everyone needs the same type of support and this seems to be the crux of the problem.
A person suffering does not need a lot of advice, though very few do. When pain, he or she needs to manage the difficult experience of separation. Just listen, hold hands or sit quietly. When we are dealing with someone else pain, we travel in our minds groping for the right things to say. We forget that people dealing with loss often have a great urgency to make their powerful emotions. The willingness to listen and simply be there can sometimes be the most solid support it can offer.
Contrary to popular Hollywood flicks show us, telling a person suffering from being 'strong and resist' is not the best advice to share. Most of the mourners are overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions. Asking them to hold 'to' encourage them to bottle their pain and put on a brave face. This only makes things worse. Instead, get your loved one to share and express her deepest fears and emotions.
Even when a person is in mourning, there are practical needs for treatment. But at such a time, the needs and tasks of daily life can become overwhelming. You can express your support, offering to do chores such as gardening, babysitting, paying bills, cooking or cleaning. Encourage your loved ones to bring you these offers.
In most cases, mourning does not take a linear path, but undulates and fluctuates with the passage of time. You can take an individual months or years to overcome his loss. Contrary to what many of us believe, people feel more keenly their loss - not once, but a few weeks after all the support systems were withdrawn. This is why it is common to find people mourning their loss more intensely during an anniversary or birthday. Re-engage in life is perhaps the only long term solution to overcome the bitter pain of grief. As a loyal friend or a supporter, helping your loved one discover new experiences and events. Encourage him or her to find a healthy way to release feelings of grief and anger - how to write a journal, exercising, or volunteering. Even when a person appears to be going forward, be careful not to wipe out memories of the past at random.
Depending on how much trauma a person has lived, he or she may have physical reactions and mental pain. Depression, lack of concentration, anxiety, guilt and despair may follow the loss of a loved one. Common physical symptoms include headache, loss of appetite, fatigue or insomnia. Extreme symptoms may include chest pain or total loss of appetite, in this case, a physician should be consulted. A person weakened by pain can overlook its problems. As a friend you can help by providing the necessary support.
We all live our lives with the awareness of death. Yet every time it occurs, death finds us totally unprepared. Therefore it is common for people who suffer to react in a seemingly illogical. As a spectator, we must understand that you can not take the pain away from anyone. You can only help them cope with their feelings and overcome them.
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